He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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