I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
