i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
