what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
