true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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