I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
