fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you traded sex for a burrito?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
