maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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