I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
