Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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