he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
