after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i came on her dog
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
