I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
