forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
