Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
