this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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