And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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