Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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