we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Found the puke drawer
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
