How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
