We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
