man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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