dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
