I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
