dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
