the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.