Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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