Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.

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(407): View more from Florida

I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.

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(714): View more from California

There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?

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(949): View more from California

You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed

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