I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
