ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
