Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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