I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
