I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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