ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
