Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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