I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
