like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
