If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
