got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
