I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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