i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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