i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
