Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
