I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
