I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
