when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
