is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
