I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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