i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
