Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You need a sexual gate keeper
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
