All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
