I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
