You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
