I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
