Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
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You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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