There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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