is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
