Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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