but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
