he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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