just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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