I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We are all done wearing pants today
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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