I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize