he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
