i permit you to call me
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
