just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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