glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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