You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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