Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
