Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
