So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
