pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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