I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
