I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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