he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
