I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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