just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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